The Land of "I Hate My Job But it Pays the Bills"

I am flabbergasted (I love that word!) by the number of people who are bound by the purported security of realism. Time and time again, I am involved in conversations infused with “I have to be realistic.”

Apparently, I am the fortunate one…or some would assert “the blindly optimistic one”. I was raised in a house where I was told that I could be whatever I wanted as long as I put my mind to it. I never realized the power in those words until I started working with clients who had never heard them.

Many times the convictions of realism come after the demise of a business or loss of a job as the buffer to what truly is has just been ripped out from under them.

The Illusion

I sit across from visibly shaken clients as this unintentional self-defeatist perspective consumes them. Secretly inside, the curves of my smile form from the understanding that the security that was sought after through their career was truly only an illusion and despite the spotlighted evidence glaring in front of them, they still want to go there – scrambling to feel some sense of stability and assurance.

It impels me to probe, “What did you want to be when you grew up?”

This query alone has forged eye rolls, perplexity, and even anger as the person across from me thinks I am wasting their time. I remain seated, blissfully aware of the powerful information that is about to materialize as my client instinctively works from the ground up - first, spilling their childhood fantasy of being a dancer, a sports star, or woman on the moon, then slowly imploring a more seasoned dream as growth allowed for a better understanding of the world and self, and finally moving quickly into where their path went astray and grounded them in the land of “I hate my job, but it pays the bills.”

The Diamond Exposed

Fear, typically, is the underlying driver of the original shift in paths, whether it is organically theirs’ or lofted onto them by others, but that is irrelevant at this point. The diamond that has been exposed is the understanding that the things we grasp to that elude a false sense of security are purely that…false.

Now we are getting somewhere, I think to myself. And we move to exploring the truth of what is real. That the only true security we hold lies in our own abilities. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to persevere, to dream, to know our value, to understand our worth, to execute, to think, and to be the best that we can be, but most importantly to align with who we are so that we can bring value to the world and reach our peak performance with the operative word being “our” - in other words, not “theirs.”

It is in aligning with our authentic self that true success is imminent because it is success as we have defined it, not as “they” have defined it.

How Did I Get Here?

As the realization of a path once lost fades, the thought of “How did I get here?” is now displayed on my clients’ faces as though David Byrne’s lyrics are swirling in their heads (or should I say Talking Heads for those of you that understood the David Byrne reference?).

And I remind them of this…

Finding your dream isn’t about reckless abandon in the face of blind optimism, it is about having a broader vision of what realism is.

“Now breathe,” I say. “You got this!”

If you are in the land of "I hate my job, but it pays the bills?" then click here to explore why. This will also give me more insight so I can up my game and be able to more effectively help you live a life you love! Remember...you are already living a life. Now let's make it yours.

Are You Ready to Be Hired? Take These 5 Steps to Get There

According to the Q2 2014 LinkedIn Economic Confidence Outlook Survey business leaders expect a global rise in hiring. Some predict a significant increase of as much as 7%.

As an opportunist, my question to you is “Are you ready for this influx of opportunity?”

You many think of opportunity as a haphazard event that flies by offering you to jump on and ride only if you are lucky. The reality is that more times than not, opportunity presents itself because you have done the work to be ready first which, in turn, attracts the opportunity.

Taking the time to shift from aimlessly scrambling to find a job by swimming through the sea of job descriptions to attracting quality opportunities based on an intentionally focused career exploration, may seem difficult. The reality is however, that making this shift can mean the difference between hours, days or months of frustratingly lackluster results and a streamlined process ending in launching an important part of the life you want to love…your career.

The quickest way to see results is through intentional self-discovery, mindfully seeking the right fit, and authentically presenting you to the world.

Start by getting clear on what you want from life. When looking for a career it helps to know what is important to you in life first. A job is really just a tool that significantly impacts your lifestyle. So, focus on what lifestyle you want first. Think in terms of time, life experiences, personal growth, health, family, relationships, leisure and finances. Remember to focus on all aspects so you don’t have to give up one for the other. When you clarify your definition of what a good life is you can start moving towards that all-encompassing vision.

Once you have your vision, follow these steps…

1. Know what value you want to bring to the world – Human nature is to thrive through fulfillment by bringing value to the world. Now that you know what you want from the world through exploring your vision, focus on what you want to give the world.

2. Combine your hard assets and your soft assets– Take the time to understand the technical skill set and knowledge you have and combine that with the “magic” that you bring, your passions, what is uniquely yours that differentiates you from others and your creativity. Once you understand both sides of who you are, you can intentionally move towards finding a great fit for you.

3. Align your resume and LinkedIn profile to reflect who you are – Words are powerful. Images are potent. It can be difficult compiling words about yourself to truly reflect who you are. Often, people are caught reflecting what they have done, but not who they are. Use your LinkedIn profile and all its tools to showcase the picture of you through images, links, blogs, and videos.

4. Go shopping – Confidence is attractive. Doing the work before hand to get clear on what you want from life and where you fit allows you to shift your mindset from hoping to get hired to shopping for a career that aligns with who you are. With that subtle shift, you will bring more confidence with you. It is similar to shopping for a car. Usually you have done the research to explore what you want before you actually go to the sales floor to buy. You know the details of the car, why you want it, how it fits with your lifestyle, and how you will feel once you have it. You are confident that it is a good fit for you. Now apply that same methodology to your career search and identify the specific opportunities that are right for you.

5. Get the job – You have done the work to know where you want to be and why you should be there. Now is the time to focus your energy onto the few opportunities that you have defined as a good fit. Narrowing your focus to a select few may seem counter-intuitive. After all, if you send out more resumes, you should eventually land a job somewhere. Right? You could do that and hope that someone stumbles upon your resume and just happens to see how brilliant you are or you can intentionally go after a career that is a great fit.

I work with people who want to love what they do and are willing to go after it despite their fears. This is my career because I did the work to find the perfect fit for me. 

Know who you are so you can love what you do!

Career Curveballs: Jumping Ship for Someone Else’s Dream

My career curveball came by way of a gigantic shift away from my true self and sent me reeling until I found my way back to what I know to be my purpose in life, which is the same as your purpose - to be 100% fully ME, or in your case, YOU, in the world.

How I shifted away from my true self was simple. I jumped off my ship onto another ship headed towards someone else’s dream and thought I could make it work for both of us. It didn’t.

Prior to my love-blind decision to navigate a different channel, I had approached my first real job that had any significance in the world with undying dedication to the leadership role I played.  As Manager of People Growth - aka Mom - I successfully honed, implemented and trained the skills of active listening, interpersonal relationship building, talent-planning processes, strong interpersonal discourse, performance management, teamwork skills, and strategies for growth.

I was lead influencer and my approach to this role as a coach rather than dictator came naturally to me as I created a culture that allowed for the team members’ individual creativity, strengths, personalities and passions to guide them to peak performance and continued success while maintaining a cohesive team culture.  

As there are no procedure manuals, training programs, leadership development workshops, 360-degree feedback performance evaluations or merit raises in the organization called family, I learned my coaching skills through trial and error, observation, self-awareness and research of the best influencing methods for humanity and success. Basically it was a crapshoot for the first 25 years as I formulated my coaching program until I could see the results through those I influenced as they became successful independent contributing members of society…and I still have my fingers crossed.

But, I loved my job and despite my doubts while I was in it, it turns out that I was really good at it.  

I also coached sports teams because of my need to get my fix in seeing others shine. It was what I did.  I coached. And the more others reached their peak performance, the more I knew I was reaching mine and I was happy.

Then there was a curveball. An opportunity to open a small business presented itself via a conversation, a little research, some collaboration and someone else’s dream. It seemed perfect. This new career had found me. I loved the product. I had the skill. It was basically being handed to me on a silver platter. Besides, I would only stay in it for a few years to get it up and running, then the person whose dream it was, could take over and I would pursue my own dreams.

Or so I thought.

The thing was I knew that I didn’t want this career, but I thought the opportunity was too good to pass up so I jumped - with both feet - but I missed the lifeboat and landed in the swirling sea.

I opened the business in 2007. We all know what happened to the economy during the next few years and as much as I would love to blame the recession on our doors closing, I can say with 100% certainty that the economy was only part of our business’s demise. The true underlying virus that led to our death was that I thought I could live someone else’s dream but I couldn’t.

Once I came to my senses and realized I was miserable and underperforming, I dove into a quest to find success, fulfillment and abundance in life. Through an incredible exploratory journey, I landed right where I had started only in a different capacity. This time, I had the official title of Certified Life Coach.

My path was right in front of me the whole time. Lighting up my heart whenever someone I had influenced experienced success. Not the big success as defined by society, but the small successes that build up to the big success. The ones that put a smile on your face because you know you did something that challenged you, but it felt so easy to push through, even though it was so hard, because what drove you was the love of where you were going and what you were experiencing.

It was the journey that you chose, the path that you defined, the life that you carved from leading with your heart.

It was that kind of success. And as much as I knew I loved helping others achieve it, I finally realized that I had it too.   

Have you taken the time to intentionally navigate your journey to get to where you can truly shine? I would love to hear your stories! Let's inspire each other! 

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How Cool Would It Be?

Living life your way isn’t about pissing people off, upending your life, or being selfish. It is about making choices that align with who you are in order to lead a fulfilling life.  When we live a fulfilling life, it does two things…it allows those around you to learn based on your example and it makes you engaged, alive and overflowing with joy. How cool would it be if everyone were engaged, alive and overflowing with joy…or at least peacefully content?

Leading a fulfilling life starts with YOU, so remember…

Life is like a puzzle and we are each a critical piece of the puzzle as we are. We can pretend to be shaped like a different piece, but then we won’t fit into the big picture of life as we are meant to be.

Assuming your choice will negatively impact those around you is presumptuous. Could it be that maybe your choice will allow them permission to make a better choice for themselves?

We make choices based on two basic human emotions ~ Love and Fear. Know which one is guiding your decisions!

Everyone around you also has the ability and right to make choices based on who they are. 

Trust in yourself because YOU are the only one who knows what is right for you.

Explore. The more you put yourself out there, the more you grow into…

Life YOUR Way!

Smile! Play! Love! Laugh! Enjoy! Dance! Sing! Feel! Seek! Experience!

Ring in the New Year with Principles NOT Resolutions!

Principle-based living is not a new ideology. Warren Buffett invests widely based on principles that he follows. Jesus’ teachings were based on the principle of “love for all”.  Thriving corporate cultures guide their team members with principles. We read articles daily that highlight how people have succeeded through principles, such as  The 7 Success Principles of Steve Jobs and most lucrative businesses base their strategic actions on principles. It makes sense then to individually adopt principle-based living in order to succeed.

So, what is the difference between principles and resolutions? Principles are defined as personal or specific bases of conduct or management. They leave room for adaptability, fluctuation, and innovation. Resolutions are defined as the act of determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc. They are rigid, narrowly defined, and inflexible.

Evidence shows that principles are the foundation for success in all aspects of life. If you truly want to make positive changes this year, let go of resolutions and define your principles instead.

Here’s how…

Clarify your Vision ~ Where do you want to go? Passionate visions are formed through letting go of the “don’t want” and defining the “do want”. For example, instead of “I don’t want to be overweight” use “I want to be healthy, fit, and feel good about my body”.

Find your Why ~ According to Simon Sinek, it is the WHY that fuels the motivation for action. Breathe. Slow down…and feel your why. Write down any “whys” that come to you. Keep writing until the one that feels right jumps off the page and into your heart.

Define Principles for your Vision ~ A well-founded principle is defined loosely yet action strong allowing for flexibility. If exercise is chosen as an action for healthy living, frame the principle something like this…

Principle = Break a sweat for 30 minutes 4 times a week.

And avoid this…

Resolution = I will do cardio on Monday at 7-8am, weights on Wednesday at 7-8am, yoga on Friday 6-8pm, and Zumba on Saturday 9-10am.

The sample principle allows for easy flexibility when faced with a deviation in your schedule, such as travelling for work. Now you can stick to the principle by choosing a different mode of exercise at a different time. The resolution does not allow for that adaptability and the sense of failure becomes imminent. Does this mean you shouldn’t sign up for classes? No. Signing up for classes is the action based on the principle. The action can change while the principle remains the same.

Check In When Making All Decisions ~ Check in regularly to make sure your actions align with your principles. Even the smallest decision can move you towards or away from your vision.

Succeed! ~ Moving through life based on principles that work for you, defined by YOU propels you towards your vision of the life you would like to live.   

Principles can be defined for each area of your life in work, relationships, health, fulfillment, and more. When you set principles for each area, the sum of the positively functioning areas equals the whole of a successfully fulfilling life.  Now you are Living Life Your Way!  

Breaking News…Tunnel Vision Steals Holiday Joy!

The BIG picture is so BIG that it often eludes us because rather than observing it from a distance, we actually live smack dab in it.  It is like the Truman Show where Jim Carrey, who plays Truman, is in this world that he thinks is real, yet his world has been fashioned for him.  Because he lives in this fabricated world, which intentionally creates tunnel vision for him, he cannot see outside of the frame of his small picture into the big picture of reality…until one day…he does.

We don’t live in a TV show yet the reality is that our lives too tend to become very narrowly focused especially during the pressure of the holiday season. When this tunnel vision sets in, we lose sight of the BIG picture and when we lose sight of the big picture it steals our joy.

The BIG picture...

1. GIVE because you want to not because you have to and feel the JOY.
2. The ENCHANTMENT of the holiday season is created by each person not by marketing attempts from retail establishments ~ make it special YOUR way…and let go of everyone else’s way!
3. RELATIONSHIPS are super-charged as emotions flare under the ignition of pressure during the holidays…ONLY if you let it happen. Choose to be LOVE and watch the gifts (and I don’t mean the ones wrapped under the tree) you get in return!
4. LOVED ONES that are gone or away are in your heart today and tomorrow and during the holidays just like every other day. Allow them to celebrate the holidays with you through your memories and love!
5. PEACE and LOVE and JOY are rightfully yours EVERY day ~ CLAIM them!

  

Do You See What I See?

I often wonder if the color blue that you see through your eyes is the same as the color blue that I see through my eyes.  I often ponder which version of a situation is accurate, mine or yours.  I often seek the beauty in what others see as tragic.  

It is a matter of perspective.  And this I know, it is the substance of what you see which determines how you move through life, in love or hate, joy or fear, happiness or despair. 

Although we fear, attempt to avoid and ultimately fail at removing all life struggles it is this truth that brings a new perspective. We cannot see and understand good without bad, light without dark, hope without despair, life without death, love without hate.  

Life is a paradox, yet we continually fight against the paradox out of fear in hopes of attaining a solely one-sided life experience called happiness, joy or peace. The reality, the truth is that we cannot attain this coveted yet elusive state by ridding the world of the opposite side of the paradox.  When we finally find happiness, joy or peace, it comes from the realization that life is all of these things and more with the more being the flipside of the coin.  It is the love of the opportunities for understanding, for allowing us to see the good because of the bad, the light because of the dark, life because of death, that illuminates harmony.  

Happiness is to know the perfection of life within the paradox, not to attain a perfect life.  That is the happiness, peace, and joy you seek.  It is in the gift of life struggles, small and large, personal and universal, that allow us to flex our muscles of humanity of compassion, love, empathy, understanding, acceptance, unity, connection, strength, trust, self-reliance, interdependence, and calm within the storm.   

Do you see what I SEE?