I am flabbergasted (I love that word!) by the number of people who are bound by the purported security of realism. Time and time again, I am involved in conversations infused with “I have to be realistic.”
Apparently, I am the fortunate one…or some would assert “the blindly optimistic one”. I was raised in a house where I was told that I could be whatever I wanted as long as I put my mind to it. I never realized the power in those words until I started working with clients who had never heard them.
Many times the convictions of realism come after the demise of a business or loss of a job as the buffer to what truly is has just been ripped out from under them.
The Illusion
I sit across from visibly shaken clients as this unintentional self-defeatist perspective consumes them. Secretly inside, the curves of my smile form from the understanding that the security that was sought after through their career was truly only an illusion and despite the spotlighted evidence glaring in front of them, they still want to go there – scrambling to feel some sense of stability and assurance.
It impels me to probe, “What did you want to be when you grew up?”
This query alone has forged eye rolls, perplexity, and even anger as the person across from me thinks I am wasting their time. I remain seated, blissfully aware of the powerful information that is about to materialize as my client instinctively works from the ground up - first, spilling their childhood fantasy of being a dancer, a sports star, or woman on the moon, then slowly imploring a more seasoned dream as growth allowed for a better understanding of the world and self, and finally moving quickly into where their path went astray and grounded them in the land of “I hate my job, but it pays the bills.”
The Diamond Exposed
Fear, typically, is the underlying driver of the original shift in paths, whether it is organically theirs’ or lofted onto them by others, but that is irrelevant at this point. The diamond that has been exposed is the understanding that the things we grasp to that elude a false sense of security are purely that…false.
Now we are getting somewhere, I think to myself. And we move to exploring the truth of what is real. That the only true security we hold lies in our own abilities. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to persevere, to dream, to know our value, to understand our worth, to execute, to think, and to be the best that we can be, but most importantly to align with who we are so that we can bring value to the world and reach our peak performance with the operative word being “our” - in other words, not “theirs.”
It is in aligning with our authentic self that true success is imminent because it is success as we have defined it, not as “they” have defined it.
How Did I Get Here?
As the realization of a path once lost fades, the thought of “How did I get here?” is now displayed on my clients’ faces as though David Byrne’s lyrics are swirling in their heads (or should I say Talking Heads for those of you that understood the David Byrne reference?).
And I remind them of this…
Finding your dream isn’t about reckless abandon in the face of blind optimism, it is about having a broader vision of what realism is.
“Now breathe,” I say. “You got this!”
If you are in the land of "I hate my job, but it pays the bills?" then click here to explore why. This will also give me more insight so I can up my game and be able to more effectively help you live a life you love! Remember...you are already living a life. Now let's make it yours.
